Name Your Fear

I’ve written about fear before now–how fear can motivate and even inspire you. We’ve looked at writers’ fear of being rejected by publishers, laughed at by readers, scorned by fellow writers, and even the dread that fills up our Halloween daymares.

This is different. Sometimes we are afraid of things and we don’t even realize we’re afraid until we are faced with the moment and YIKES! Suddenly we discover we are afraid! And fear can cause us to react in strange ways. Plus not everyone’s reactions are the same or even logical. But we can learn and understand them.

Take me for instance. I am afraid of heights. I get weak in the knees and dizzy if I am up to high without safely assurances. I have a hard time looking over a railing into any abyss. When I went to the Eiffel tower in Paris, I was surrounded by so much metal and I had plenty to hold on to while I peered down. But when I was on a cruise ship, I stepped out onto my balcony and, as my husband leaned over the railing, I hung back, peeked over the edge and backed up into a balcony chair. All I could envision were the people I’d heard about who fell off a cruise ship from their balcony. No thanks!

But what are those fears? Wouldn’t you like to understand what is the name of the fear that makes you want to scream? Well, I did and here are some of my favorites. 

Almost everyone gets bug-eyed when they hear Arachnophobia. See that spider? RUN! Seriously, some people do run when they see one. 

Anyone see the movie IT? Ah yes, the clown that terrifies! That’s known as Coulrophobia. And it’s one reason why the circus stopped having clowns run amuck through the audiences — because children seem to have a natural wariness of the weird smiling, face-painted person who is big and tall and seems to leer at them. (SHUDDER). Then along came Stephen King. (GULP)

Would you like me to tell your fortune? Yes? Give me your last three address numbers. What? No? Afraid of numbers? Ah yes, that’s known as Numerophobia. People suffering with this odd fear have a difficult time in school because math is scary. (I hated math too).

What about people who are afraid of everything in general? These folks jump at everything because they don’t know what’s coming. It’s a real fear of the unknown and called Xenophobia.

And how about the people who insist they wear sunglasses? No, they aren’t vampires or just being cool. No, they aren’t hiding swollen pupils from drugs (well, I guess they could be any of those). You might be surprised to learn that they are afraid of —— colors. Yup, and it’s real and its called Chromophobia. Imagine being afraid to see the world in all its glory. Kinda makes you sad, doesn’t it?

There are many others, fear of heights is called Acrophobia. It is especially nasty because it strikes even when you aren’t very high up and can be terrifying. It happened to me once standing on a regular 6 ft ladder and I was only on the third step.
Here are a couple more that may make you raise and eyebrow but are truly terrifying to whomever is feeling it:

Arachibutyrophobia – the fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth.

Allodoxaphobia – the fear of people’s opinions (this usually goes with a fear of confrontation).

Didaskaleinophobia – the fear of going to school (usually in children 7-10 yrs) and usually comes from a result of bullying.

* *

Fear can strike anyone for any number of reasons. Being anxious is not the same as being afraid and it is important to know the difference. Overcoming our anxieties is doable alone. But if you, or someone else, suffers from a deep fear (even triskaidekaphobia which is the morbid fear of the number 13), I encourage professional help and never laugh. Ridicule strengthens fear. Compassion and understanding are the only aids we can, and should, offer.

Whatever your fears are, learning to know them and deal with them is important. My mom used to say, “if you give your fear a name, you take away its power.” I tried that with my fear of heights, and it didn’t take away my fear but I didn’t feel silly anymore because I knew what I felt was real and not imagined (phobophobia is the fear of fears).

And when something is real, it can be beaten. So, what are you afraid of?

Thanks for not being afraid to come by.
I remain, Yours Between the Lines,

Sherry

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5 Reasons You Stopped Writing

Should I be ashamed if I don’t feel like writing today? What about for the entire week? Or a month? Am I losing my muse if I suddenly find myself not wanting to write?

First, NO. No, don’t feel ashamed if you need to step away. And don’t worry that you’ve lost your muse or your mojo or your ability to storytell, or any other nonsense.

I go through phases, too. There are days I can’t write fast enough, where the words flow like water and my fingers fly over the keyboard. Then there are those days when minutes tick by and I stare at the screen wondering what must come next. Most of the time, since I write every day, words are never far out of reach. Even on bad days. 

But I’m human. I get tired, sick, worried, caught up in the “real world.” There are days when I’m unhappy with a plot point or how the writing went the day prior and I don’t feel like dealing with it. I’m famous for taking a long break after participating in November’s National Novel Writing Month because November makes me tired and I want to forget a project for  a while.

A long time ago I learned how fragile and short life is and that I needed to take time for things other than writing. As a result, I stopped punishing myself when I didn’t feel like working on my current writing project, or writing the blog (this), or even journaling.

Some days I wanted to kick back and read. Some days I wanted to lie in bed and be sick. Other days I wanted to spend the entire day binging on Netflix. And I stopped punishing myself for wanting (or needing) to spend the day (or days) away from the desk.

HOWEVER (and you knew that was coming). If you’d rather spend more time away from your writing than writing, then there is more going on than being sick or tired. I’m not a book psychiatrist but usually when a writer stays away, there are real reasons. Here are the five most common ones as told to me by many writers:

     1. Fear. At some point we question whether or not we have “the chops” that it takes to sell a good book. We all get afraid that we don’t, then figure we don’t so we stop trying. Don’t listen to the doubt that creeps in. Keep pushing and trust yourself.
     2. Comparing. Stop comparing yourself to others. I know. It’s hard not to but stop. Comparing makes you feel insecure and inadequate and you’ll stop writing (see why at #1). Trust yourself. Each writer has something to contribute and you will find success if you work hard. Not everyone is going to be a NYT or USA Today best selling author. I know I have to prod myself on this one all the time. So listen to me. I’m an expert on this one.
     3. Worry that we aren’t going as fast as we “should.” Stop putting stress on yourself. Write for YOU and let it happen in its time. Some people can crank out six books a year. I’m a one or two book a year person. Many BIG authors are one book a year people. Do YOU. BE You. There is no “should.” Do not put extra stress or boundaries on yourself. That’s how you stress yourself needlessly.
     4. Time. Some people think they have to publish NOW. The sense of urgency is a false application due to #2 and #1.  I hear 20-somethings saying they have to write a book and get published. And then there is me who published her first book at age 59. Sure I was in small presses, newspapers, anthologies and online magazines but I felt I had to get a book out there or I never would. I applied terrible pressure on myself. Again. publish when its time. There is no rush but the one you put on yourself. Don’t do it until you’ve done your homework and done your very best work.
     5. Bored. This is the one we all dread. When doing nothing feels better than writing, then I might say you should worry. But I won’t. I think you need to change projects, try something new, write for a new medium. We writers tend to drift away when what we are writing stops exciting us. If that happens, then walk away from that project and start a new one. What you are writing should be an adventure for you each time you sit down to work. When it doesn’t feel good anymore, then take that break. It’s okay!
     I write every day. Not everything I write will be published or be something I can (or would) share with others. I exercise my muse and attempt to keep her strong. But there will be days when I need a break. In that case, recharge. I believe we all need to step away, see new things, go new places, discover new vistas and meet new people. This is how our writing continues to be fresh and exciting. We must feed the muse new stuff. Or it, like us, gets bored and stale.

Don’t feel like writing today? Discover why and then forgive yourself. There will be days when you are sick, or just tired. It’s okay! There will be days when the kids need more from you than writing does. It’s okay! There will be days when you want to read someone else’s book. It’s okay.

Stop punishing yourself for needing change or a break. But do recognize what is truly happening and don’t allow yourself to stop writing for the wrong (unnecessary) reasons.

You have much to offer. So do I. Everything has intermissions, pauses, breaks, time outs. Allow yourself to enjoy them and your writing will endure.

(Don’ forget, even championship contests have overtime. You can do that too).

Don’t feel like writing today? Fine. Then go fly a kite. I’m going to bake some bread. The break will do us both good. Just remember, this is guilt free. Tomorrow, we’ll be back at it again.

Thanks for reading.
I remain, Yours Between the Lines,

Sherry

Fear.

Everyone at one point or another has tasted fear. Authors know fear and speak of it. Most authors fear the fear but even more have learned one vital lesson – fear is good.

Fear is a motivator, an instigater, a castigator, an illuminator, a paralyzer and an energizer. Fear is what makes us feel alive and makes us worry that we’re going to die. Fear is under so much of who we are as people, as writers, as stories. Fear is important. And you should be afraid! Fear comes from what we know and it comes from what we don’t know. It’s insidious and sneaky and delicious. Fear is important. We learn from our fears and we adapt because of them. When you can accept fear into your heart, then you may benefit from it. Yes, I’m saying it is important give in and be afraid.

First, let’s look at why I believe all those adjectives. When we are small, we develop fear of the unknown. This is where we put the things we don’t understand, into the shadow beyond the darkness. Such fear can motivate us to run or to fight. Fight or Flight syndrome comes from this basic fear. The fear of the unknown is challenging and can be paralyzing if we don’t learn to fight through it. Simply turning a corner on a dark road meets this fear. Keep turning the wheel, despite your fear. Delicious things come from pressing forward (safely please, unless you are a character).

Second, there is the kind of fear that instigates reactions. We fear getting surprised so we set up booby-traps. We fear being “taken” by a criminal so we trap them instead. We fear getting into a fight so we avoid that person. We fear what is around the bend, the corner, or off the road.This fear is more about what will happen to us and isn’t always good. But it is a wonderful tool for your traitors, your villains, your contagonists. Channel it.

Next there is the fear that illuminates. Studying for a test out of fear of failure can illuminate us to knowledge and behaviors (ours and our fellow students and teachers!). This kind of fear shines a light on our weaknesses and our needs. This fear can be used to aid others, provide that ah-ha moment, lead to discovery of clues or the ultimate takedown of the antagonist.

Castigation often follows fear. When we have been frightened and we don’t wish to be frightened again, we often castigate the perpetrators. Most often we find it riding on relief. It causes a plethora of negative emotions including vitriol, anger, hatred, childish jealousy, envy and back talk. This is when our mouths often overtake good sense. This fear is damaging. It is what parents often do their children. It is what heroes often do in frustration or a lover to a beloved. Use it wisely because it hurts.

Finally, there is the fear that energizes. I could write on and on about fear but let’s concentrate on this positive aspect. This fear makes us feel alive. The fear of not meeting a deadline (work, school, curfew). This fear motives, illuminates, castigates, paralyzes, frustrates, and – the best part – separates the determined from the unsure. THIS is the fear which often guides an author to guide the conflict in the stories. This energizing fear is the substance of good stories. It combines all the elements of fear into one positive stroke, using all the elements to culminate into a great ending (doesn’t have to be a happy one!).

Sure, authors are afraid of failure. We all fear not being accepted. We all fear bad reviews. But when the fear energizes, it can be channeled into producing action. And that action makes us feel excited and alive. Latch onto that feeling and ride it. Let it become you. Never give up or let fear of failure win. You can benefit if you try, and keep trying.

Fear can be good for you. A little stress gets the blood pumping, colors your cheeks, makes you feel giddy and goofy and tingly all over. Fear about the first time you had sex. Fear about going to that first scary movie. Fear about Halloween and the haunted house. Fear about that last manuscript, the one you had nightmares over and the one the beta readers ripped you apart over. (You know the one that turned out good in the end but kept you up for a month in frightful worry!).

As long as you use your fear productively, as long as you don’t let fear overtake your good sense or your ability to produce/function, fear is your friend. That’s why I say, let fear in. Let fear enliven you. Let fear spark your characters, bring reality to your stories, breathe tension to your novels and excitement to your publishing. Fear, used well, is good!

So go ahead. Be afraid. I’ll meet you in the shadows.

Thanks for coming by.
I remain, Yours Between the Lines,
Sherry