I Love You. Maybe.

Contemporary romance is blooming. Book covers show couples embracing, sexy girls and guys are wrapped around sexy backs and fronts of other sexy girls and guys. Lips are barely touching and some covers how bared legs with creeping hands of guys and/or gals. Dark fiction is oozing blood and vampire eyes are shining bright with lust (or else its just colored lights). Even the titles are all about the romance: harems and lovers, his woman, her hero, his and her lovers. And the bedroom sheets are flying with “seduced, compelled, driven, broken, bound,” etc.

I really enjoy a good love story. They don’t have to be happy-ever-after ones either. I don’t mind if I cry or laugh as long as the story itself is well told. 

What I don’t enjoy is using love as a tool. “I love you,” he said — it’s not enough. Don’t tell me how much you love me. SHOW me. 

Valentine’s Day is upon us and soon the commercial snake will rear its head and lovers everywhere will receive chocolates and flowers, tokens of affection from sexy soaps to books, and couples will head out to that romantic dinner. I heard on the television that men will pay over $300 on the big day and women won’t pay more than $70. I don’t think I understand that difference but I can tell you that for me, if you really want to wow me with your love, SHOW ME.

Now I’m not knocking an engagement ring (though I really wish you wouldn’t propose on V-day since that’s so cliché). Or a dinner at a nice restaurant. And I’m not saying that a good tumble in the bed (or hay, or wherever) isn’t an exceptional way to express yourself.

But if you really want to say how much you love me, SHOW ME. Okay, you say, what does that really mean?

Good question. What does it mean when your character says those three little words. Are they magic? Are they meant to be nostalgic? Are they memorable moments never to be forgotten? Then make them that way.

Telling isn’t showing. Sure, saying the words is important. But if you really want to convey the message in your stories, then show characters DOING things that demonstrate the love.
     Making (and even burning) breakfast. In bed. On the patio. Camping.
     Cutting out a valentine card and making a mess. A lovely mess.
     Doing something domestic as a surprise.
     Growing the flowers that become the bouquet and plucking them, too.
     Making a mini movie.
     Making a photo album or scrapbook.
     Sending a remote controlled train or car with a message.

You get the idea. I want to feel the love coming out of the stories when I read them. I don’t want to read the words but I want to FEEL the love from the ACTIONS. If the characters demonstrate from the beginning or come around toward the end, then I will BELIEVE that the love is real.

And that’s the whole point, isn’t it?

It isn’t enough to say that you love someone. Anyone can do that. It means nothing without some action to support the words. Whether in real life or in your stories, what you show me beats what you say to me every time. In fact, the more you show me, the less you need to say to me.

“I love you.”   “I know.”

And we got that because of what we had seen. ‘Nuff said (and in case you never saw Star Wars The Empire Strikes Back,then you missed the greatest demonstration of love ever.)

So get out there this Valentine’s Day, and every day, and SHOW your cherished loves how much you care. Then when your actions are finally punctuated with the words, they will smile and say, “I know.” Because finally, they will.

* * *

As far as the “demonstrating” part goes, let it be those things we do everyday that we wouldn’t do if our most cherished other wasn’t around. Do you do ordinary things that are special because they are there? And if they weren’t there would you stop doing those things? These are demonstrations of love. 

Every day my beloved shows me how much he cares by making a cup of tea, picking up something special at the grocery story, doing a chore around the house that I usually do, anticipating my wants and taking action, making a meal, even doing the dishes. Ordinary things can be the loudest words you may ever hear. Are you listening?

Don’t stop saying, “I love you.” But if you really do, find ways to remove doubt and let the words be punctuation instead of the statement. 

Just like one bite is not enough for my vampires, give me more to sink my teeth into and I’m a believer in your love (and lovers) forever. There can be no “maybe.”

Thanks for showing me you care by coming to visit. I love you too.

I remain, Yours Between the Lines,

Sherry

5 Reasons You Stopped Writing

Should I be ashamed if I don’t feel like writing today? What about for the entire week? Or a month? Am I losing my muse if I suddenly find myself not wanting to write?

First, NO. No, don’t feel ashamed if you need to step away. And don’t worry that you’ve lost your muse or your mojo or your ability to storytell, or any other nonsense.

I go through phases, too. There are days I can’t write fast enough, where the words flow like water and my fingers fly over the keyboard. Then there are those days when minutes tick by and I stare at the screen wondering what must come next. Most of the time, since I write every day, words are never far out of reach. Even on bad days. 

But I’m human. I get tired, sick, worried, caught up in the “real world.” There are days when I’m unhappy with a plot point or how the writing went the day prior and I don’t feel like dealing with it. I’m famous for taking a long break after participating in November’s National Novel Writing Month because November makes me tired and I want to forget a project for  a while.

A long time ago I learned how fragile and short life is and that I needed to take time for things other than writing. As a result, I stopped punishing myself when I didn’t feel like working on my current writing project, or writing the blog (this), or even journaling.

Some days I wanted to kick back and read. Some days I wanted to lie in bed and be sick. Other days I wanted to spend the entire day binging on Netflix. And I stopped punishing myself for wanting (or needing) to spend the day (or days) away from the desk.

HOWEVER (and you knew that was coming). If you’d rather spend more time away from your writing than writing, then there is more going on than being sick or tired. I’m not a book psychiatrist but usually when a writer stays away, there are real reasons. Here are the five most common ones as told to me by many writers:

     1. Fear. At some point we question whether or not we have “the chops” that it takes to sell a good book. We all get afraid that we don’t, then figure we don’t so we stop trying. Don’t listen to the doubt that creeps in. Keep pushing and trust yourself.
     2. Comparing. Stop comparing yourself to others. I know. It’s hard not to but stop. Comparing makes you feel insecure and inadequate and you’ll stop writing (see why at #1). Trust yourself. Each writer has something to contribute and you will find success if you work hard. Not everyone is going to be a NYT or USA Today best selling author. I know I have to prod myself on this one all the time. So listen to me. I’m an expert on this one.
     3. Worry that we aren’t going as fast as we “should.” Stop putting stress on yourself. Write for YOU and let it happen in its time. Some people can crank out six books a year. I’m a one or two book a year person. Many BIG authors are one book a year people. Do YOU. BE You. There is no “should.” Do not put extra stress or boundaries on yourself. That’s how you stress yourself needlessly.
     4. Time. Some people think they have to publish NOW. The sense of urgency is a false application due to #2 and #1.  I hear 20-somethings saying they have to write a book and get published. And then there is me who published her first book at age 59. Sure I was in small presses, newspapers, anthologies and online magazines but I felt I had to get a book out there or I never would. I applied terrible pressure on myself. Again. publish when its time. There is no rush but the one you put on yourself. Don’t do it until you’ve done your homework and done your very best work.
     5. Bored. This is the one we all dread. When doing nothing feels better than writing, then I might say you should worry. But I won’t. I think you need to change projects, try something new, write for a new medium. We writers tend to drift away when what we are writing stops exciting us. If that happens, then walk away from that project and start a new one. What you are writing should be an adventure for you each time you sit down to work. When it doesn’t feel good anymore, then take that break. It’s okay!
     I write every day. Not everything I write will be published or be something I can (or would) share with others. I exercise my muse and attempt to keep her strong. But there will be days when I need a break. In that case, recharge. I believe we all need to step away, see new things, go new places, discover new vistas and meet new people. This is how our writing continues to be fresh and exciting. We must feed the muse new stuff. Or it, like us, gets bored and stale.

Don’t feel like writing today? Discover why and then forgive yourself. There will be days when you are sick, or just tired. It’s okay! There will be days when the kids need more from you than writing does. It’s okay! There will be days when you want to read someone else’s book. It’s okay.

Stop punishing yourself for needing change or a break. But do recognize what is truly happening and don’t allow yourself to stop writing for the wrong (unnecessary) reasons.

You have much to offer. So do I. Everything has intermissions, pauses, breaks, time outs. Allow yourself to enjoy them and your writing will endure.

(Don’ forget, even championship contests have overtime. You can do that too).

Don’t feel like writing today? Fine. Then go fly a kite. I’m going to bake some bread. The break will do us both good. Just remember, this is guilt free. Tomorrow, we’ll be back at it again.

Thanks for reading.
I remain, Yours Between the Lines,

Sherry

(picture from the movie, Van Helsing)

Why I Write About Vampires

Those who know me know why I love to write about vampires — because there have been vampire myths in the history of every major country and continent in the world. I’ve had a fascination for these creatures since I was about seven. And that curious fascination is what caused me to begin what has become a lifetime of research. Since I was twenty and overseas, I have looked into the vampire mythos extensively. I’ve prowled libraries and read history books, visited mausoleums and churches, and walked many a dirt path of ancient abbeys. Every step was to discover the origin and possibility of the vampire, this creature that inhabited the culture and mythology of every continent.

For something that didn’t exist, it seems a strange thing to be found everywhere, don’t you think?

I thought so and that is why I fell in love with the vampire. It’s why I write about them. The possibilities of truth, the seduction of the legends, is compelling.

Of course, the word “vampire” didn’t exist in ancient times. The blood drinking, prowling night creatures were called ghouls, demons, spirits, Some were known as goddesses – like Lillith or Egypt’s Sekhemet, beings that craved the blood of babies and had a penchant for luring men to their beds.

Older even than Lillith is the Mesopotamian demon Anu or Gallu, also child-stealing and blood drinking, usually with animal forms.  But always a “she.” Even the Greek Gods (you know the ones we all hear about with Zeus?) had Lamia who supposedly slept with Zeus, was found out by Hera, punished as Hera killed all her children. As a result Lamia swore to kill every child and drink their blood. The Goddess Hecate had a daughter who was believed to be as a siren and seduced men before drinking their blood (sounds like our modern myths, yes?)

I’m sure you’ve heard tales of the Russian “upir” or the Romanian “strigas, or even the Jewish Estries continue the myth of the bloodsucker. Consider the word “leech” that comes from a Hebrew word “alukah.” In India, they had the vetalas, written in detail in their Sanskrit folktales. In Catalonia, there is the “Dip,” an evil vampire dog.

As if to capture our imaginations further, literature around the world can’t stop writing about the vampire creatures. From Homer’s Odyssey, thru the ancient Indian text Kathasaritsagara, and into Irish Le Fanu’s Carmilla to Stoker’s Dracula, every history, cultural myth and country would have you believe the vampire roamed their land if not their psyche.

Today, this trend continues and we celebrate our myth in more books and movies. Crypts are open and skeletons show us ghoulish possibilities. Historians continue to debate. And the search continues for proof of Dracula in the missing bones of Vlad the Impaler, who bore the Order of the Dracul.

Is it any wonder then why authors continue to offer vampiric delights (okay, except for sparkly vampires)? This is why the vampire is my study and my joy. This is my passion and why I write stories of vampires and the creatures they know. 

The trick is to tell the aged vampire myth in a way that has never been told. To seek out new myths in new civilizations. To boldly go where no vampire has gone before. (apologies to Gene Roddenberry).

There are other reasons for writing vampires beyond the idea of their immortality. There are the seductive aspects, even the sexual ones. But what fascinates me is the psychological ones: the manipulation, the physical possibilities, how the psyche must adapt, just to name a few. There are other books dealing with the influence of the vampire, and how it touched children and adults. Is it beautiful with ugly side effects? Or ugly with a beautiful heart? Does the vampire kill selectively or without prejudice, widely or like a lion with a hunting ground? Is it solitary and why or why not. Yes, the vampire has much to offer and this is why is continues to be fascinating. Many of these issues are in my books and my fiction addresses them.

This is why I write. Because with nearly every country in the world believing in such myths, how can all of them be a lie? I am seduced, enchanted, and teased by the possibility of truth. I consider it an honor to add my name to the immortal records of this legendary creature.

Vampires. Don’t look now but they’re watching you and the seduction continues.

Thanks for dropping by.
I remain, Yours Between the Lines,

Sherry

In other News:  

I am pleased to announce the release of a new anthology, Inspiration for Writers by Writers (Writing is Art Book 1). My perspective is in it as well as 13 other interesting authors. Give it a read (an ebook version is coming too). Click the picture to take the link.